The Sunflower Chronicles Part 1: Our Ride to Nowhere

There is a sunflower field very close to our barn that I just found out about. I am not entirely sure where it is and don’t feel comfortable going alone, so I had scheduled a ride with someone who offered to take us there. It’s a short ride – just around the field and across the street. With Eve’s age, I figured it would be such a nice little ride to take. A simple, peaceful walk among sunflowers.

Well, today our first scheduled ride came. I took Eve out of the field and into the barn. A horse suddenly got loose, yet Eve remained still and calm. I was so proud. “Oh boy!” I said to myself, “What a lovely ride it will be that my horse is so calm today.” I walked her out to get on and as I was moving the mounting block, she spooked at the horse that was still loose. “I completely understand,” I told her, “We can wait until he is caught before we get on.” I couldn’t quite tell if the horse was caught or not, but the situation seemed to be under control. I got on her with no complaints. We waited a bit. I wasn’t exactly sure where to meet our tour guide. I tried to contact her on messenger, but my app wasn’t loading. I figured she was waiting at the other barn, so we should go check.

I told Eve to walk forward towards the other barn which is down a driveway she’s never been before. I felt some resistance and nervousness, so I told her, “Eve, no worries. I will get off and we can walk side by side so you aren’t alone.” Huge mistake.

I had one hand full of her saddle pad and gel pad that we ride with, the other hand holding onto her reins which were still over her head (thinking she’d be fine to walk to this barn.) There’s three horses in a field we have to pass that LOVE drama. They’re always running around causing drama. They always come over to the fence to check out whatever is happening. When we walked by, they trotted right over. Eve usually ignores them because they’re always dramatic. However, today Eve immediately got excited, swung her ass sideways, trotted in place and exclaimed “Ohhhh yesss, why helloooo, please admire my beauty, yess watch me whip, watch me nae nae.”

“Bro, what the shit,” I said as I threw her saddle/gel pads on the ground and took the reins over her head. I had my elbow into her shoulder telling her to move the F over, my hand on her neck trying to hold her back. Her head was sky high like a goddamn kite. She was trotting in place like she was in a parade. “Why, you’re being quite the asshole,” I told her as we turned around back to our barn.

Someone was walking by with their horse who was calm as can be among the commotion. She started asking me my horse’s name, and I could barely answer because Eve was being an absolute monster. I was embarrassed as shit that my grey, elderly, almost 30 year old horse was beating my ass right now. Eve was so wound up, there was no way we’d be able to go ride to the sunflowers.

I drag her ass back to the barn and full on lock her in her stall because she kept trying to break through her stall guard. She has the crazy eyes at this point. I lost my phone in the chaos so I had to go find it, and I ditched our saddle/gel pads so I had to go get those. Once I recovered our lost baggage, I went back to her, chain in hand, opened her stall door and made her wait. I took her out, and we spent the next 15 minutes on ground work about how to be a civilized individual in these trying times. At the end, we indirectly spiraled back to her field with halt transitions before I finally let her go where she gracefully cantered circles around her fieldmates like a sociopath.

Our lovely bridle charm by @hopefulhoovesco

I walked back to my truck – the walk of shame – trying to open my stupid Facebook messenger app that wasn’t loading. I tried opening and closing it a million times to send messages to our tour guide saying my horse was a monster, but they wouldn’t go through. I felt so awful that our ride didn’t happen because Eve was being such a dick, and I was hoping I didn’t completely waste this poor person’s time (I definitely did. I am a monster). I had to post on the Facebook group in front of EVERYONE that my horse was a raging c***sucker (not in those exact words), and we weren’t able to make the ride but will try to join in on Friday. I’m sure the Friday group is just thrilled they may have our company. I’m beginning to think I may just have to go to the sunflower field alone.

But one way or another, we will make it to the sunflower fields, or so help me.

To be continued…